joanna_chin

Everybody has 3 aspect of life: public life, private life & secret life. Integrity is to live these 3 lives as ONE.

Sort of rings...

I am extremely disturbed. Extremely. Not sure what am I really feeling. Anger? Disappointment? Saddness?
I think this whole incident is really nothing but a case of misrepresentation, gossips and murmuring.
Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue. Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut. The book of proverbs is so full of these.
Perhaps we should start reminding ourselves to just talk lesser.

Been eons ago since i journal-ed. Probably the first post ever since Vaio crashed and I'm typing out of my new lappie Dell. Bought it at the recent IT fair. Mad crowd. Even madder time trying to get home.

Anyway. I'm here, because I want to shop.  So much tempations!!!! But I just spent nearly $300 on a visit to a vet and stuffs for the dog. She sprained her leg. April's an exceptionally difficult patient.

Had to carry her around on a towel, or she'll bite which she did many times. Now the above has turn into some ugly purple pocked bruise.

Oh well, hope this month will have work bonus. Pay please come in sooner! I wanna shop!

A brand new year. Time seems to be speeding up. It's true then that time flies after you turned 21. Oh man, I'm 22 this year!!! As usual, every new year, I feel a little apprehensive, a little afraid. Can't help but think, one year less.

For me, this whirlwind year of 2010 is full of the highs to the extreme lows.

In a nutshell, had a 50% cut in my pay, working part-time for SOT, struggled through financial lack and hunger pangs, had bread for lunch during that SOT period but somehow I never lose any weight praise the Lord. Scored above 90% for SOT.
Competed, I think for the last time, in Nationals and won champions with Wildcards. Said bye bye to cheerleading.

Went to Japan, fell in love with that place and dreaming of settling down there. Had awesome sushi, celebrated my 21st there.


Went through an angsty period, angry with the whole world and feel damn unappreciated. My beloved ma-ma passed away. I miss you ma-ma very very much. Thank you for taking care of me from young till I'm all grown up and working. One of my wish was to have you seen me get married....But I hope you are happier where you are now with my gong-gong whom I never get to see. You are the bravest, strongest  and most sacrificial woman I ever seen. Working so hard to bring up all 10 children by yourself and after that, when they're all grown up, you took care of us. I love you alot alot. You looked so beautiful. Every year, one year lesser, you never know when, a love one will go away and never come back. It makes me scared.


Till now, there's a sort of hollow, an emptiness that my ma-ma have left in my heart. And I felt so seperated from the rest of world at times. I got quite cynical of the world and people around me. I didn't wanna do anything for anyone. I don't know what kept me from just switching off the phone and leaving all my connections. Somehow I just plodded on and on, feeling more miserable by the day.

I kept giving and giving and got so cynical and felt so unappreciated I felt that people are really just taking advantage of me only. But God works in amazing ways. Somehow the more I give, the EVEN more I have to give willing or not. And that's just it, giving and giving until one Christmas, I finally understood what it means- that giving is better than receiving. Somehow all the bitterness sort of lifted and I thought, how wonderful it is to be a blessing to people. I felt so much joy giving to the younger ones around me, to my beloved friends and family. I felt so proud when I see them looking good and happy, that hey! This is what I had given to them.

I ended the year as a CGL. I am ever so so touched that Pastor called me out and gave me a gift like that rest of the leaders. Truth be told, I felt so awkward and out of place. I felt like I should never have been a leader. I mean, look at myself, in what ways am I a leader? I don't really look like one, talk like one, behave like one, carry myself as one, even think of being one! There's so much better people, more experience, more honorable. But, me? I felt just like a kid. Even now. What 2011 holds for me, I really don't know. I wonder whether I can be what the people need me to be, want me to be. I wonder if I can help them. Yes, I'm struggling till now. I'm a human, I have insecurities and fears. Do people want me to be their leader, their sons or daughters leaders? I wonder what people think. And yes, sometimes I'm afraid that people will think I'm not good enough.

Even in my workplace, as a new teacher, in training, I wonder, what the parents are thinking? I scrub and clean and spruce up the class. Thought of great ideas and yet, wonder if I can be good enough to lead the children around me.

My new year resolution... SImply, to be a blessing to people around me. To give and to give. That's all.

People just take you for granted. not sometimes. All the time.
The worst of all these people are the ones that are more mature, or should i say older.
Because no matter how old they are in age, they are no different from the very young ones.
And i guess what makes it more irritating is because they are not exactly young so there should be no excuses.
Maybe that's how politics are born, out of immature old selfish people.

I'm glad that I'm a childcare teacher. Gives me a break from adults.

When people must part, saying goodbye to people that we feel connected to, there is a feeling of sadness. It is hard to imagine our lives without them, and yet we have no choice but to go on.

I have to confess one thing, that nothing scares me more than losing the person that I have always had by my side. I will never stop thinking about the day I'll have to say goodbye.

Love's a loss one cannot reimburse. Although I very selfishly want you to hold on as I held on.
I miss you......a part of me did die the day I let you go... 

Every corner, in every way, you seemed to rise up like a sudden vision, a glimpse of the past in a swirl of dust and smoke.